Everything that makes up your life is reinforcing.
Your…
Habits
Behaviors
Likes
Dislikes…
All support each other and interact in a particular way.
And when one of those things changes it can feel stressful or unsettling.
That’s because it is.
Discomfort is a part of growth.
As you’re setting your sights on what you want to achieve this year, there is one thing that can significantly improve your chances of hitting those targets.
That’s becoming the person you need to be to achieve those goals.
We’re not meant to be the same our entire life.
Because guess what…
Doing the same thing and expecting a different result is literally the definition of insanity.
Knowing that doesn’t make change any easier.
And there’s a good reason why.
As humans, we seek to belong. Anything that threatens that sense of belonging is registered as a threat to our well-being.
So we hide aspects of ourselves to adapt and fit in.
Masking who we are in an attempt to find our place in the world.
Compromising our goals and ambitions so we don’t lose our current friends or peer groups.
In the act of avoiding the loss of something external, we instead lose something infinitely more valuable.
Our sense of self.
Instead of dialing up who we are, we wear masks.
Operating in a way that we think is reasonable or acceptable.
Not leaning into the true parts of you and being unapologetic.
In this article, I’ll unpack what masking is and why we do it. I’ll also cover how to leverage 11 traits that will help you access your authentic self so you can be who you are meant to be and achieve what you set your sights on. This is not some pie-in-the-sky concept. It fulfills a deep need to be consistent and congruent with who we are. Because when we’re not, shit just sucks.
Masking, what it is, and why we do it
“The term “masking” refers to the propensity people feel to hide their emotions or personality traits in specific situations.”1
We do this by changing aspects of who we are by adapting our:
Words
Facial expressions
Body language
Actions
In doing this we typically aim to achieve two objectives…
- To protect
- When we’ve experienced any kind of trauma or negative life experiences, masking can serve as a way to feel safe. Often hiding the traits or tendencies we believe got us into the situation that caused the initial trauma.
- To fit in
- Belonging is a basic human need. Some studies have even shown that social exclusion is experienced as painful. Reactions to rejection are mediated by aspects of the physical pain system. This may be an evolutionary development to aid social animals in responding to threats to inclusion..2
We do this consciously and unconsciously.
Some of the masks that are relevant to creators…
The martyr or victim mask
The bully mask
The humor mask
The calm mask
The overachiever mask
The avoidant mask
The controlling mask
The people-pleasing mask
The socializer mask
The conformist mask3
Keeping these masks can be exhausting.
Why we don’t remove the masks
We keep the mask because it’s locked in place by the rest of who we are and what we stand for.
It’s how we relate to people in our world and how they see us.
It’s one of those things I mentioned earlier that keeps everything else in place. And more often than not, changing one thing means that we have to change everything else that’s connected to that identity.
It brings everything else into question.
So we keep change at arm’s length.
Even if the mask no longer serves us or is exhausting.
It keeps a certain level of comfort and familiarity in check.
This is why change can feel like a threat. Because in a lot of ways it is.
But it’s a threat to your past self.
Even though masking can lead to things like burnout and mental health issues.
11 Traits for a Successful 2024
Regardless of your personality type, the following traits can help you discover parts of yourself that you’ve suppressed to protect or fit in.
1. Ask without attachment
This trait is about the ability to express one’s needs and desires openly and honestly, without being overly attached to the outcome. It involves recognizing and communicating what you want. It also involves understanding and accepting that the final result might not always align with your expectations. This approach allows for flexibility and adaptability. It fosters a mindset where you can make the best out of whatever response or outcome you receive. It’s about focusing on the act of asking as a demonstration of self-awareness and clarity, rather than being fixated on the response.
2. Set clear goals
Setting clear goals is fundamental to success. It involves defining specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound objectives. These objectives guide your actions and decisions. Clear goals provide a roadmap and a sense of direction. They enable you to focus your efforts on what’s truly important. They act as a benchmark for tracking progress. This makes it easier to recognize achievements. This trait also includes periodically reviewing and adjusting your goals. This helps ensure they remain aligned with your evolving priorities and circumstances.
3. Take risks
Successful individuals understand the importance of risk-taking in achieving significant rewards. They develop a healthy relationship with risk by assessing potential benefits and drawbacks. They are willing to step out of their comfort zone to seize growth opportunities. This mindset allows them to embrace challenges. They learn from both successes and failures.
4. Swift action
Success often comes to those who act quickly and decisively. Swift action means implementing plans and decisions without unnecessary delay. This trait involves recognizing opportunities and acting on them promptly, thus staying ahead in competitive or rapidly changing environments. It also means shortening the gap between idea and execution focusing on speed of implementation over the need for perfection.
5. Discipline
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. It involves self-control, consistency, and the ability to stay focused on long-term objectives. Disciplined individuals stick to their plans and routines. They do not let distractions or short-term gratifications derail them from their ultimate goals.
6. Patience
Patience is a key trait of successful people. It embodies the ability to endure the process of reaching a goal. It does this without getting frustrated by setbacks or delays. It involves seeing the value in gradual progress. Some results take time to manifest. Patience is about maintaining a calm and steady approach. Even when immediate results aren’t visible, trust that the small, consistent steps taken will eventually lead to significant achievements.
7. Curiosity
Curiosity drives successful people to constantly seek new knowledge, experiences, and insights. It’s about having an eager desire to understand more about the world, people, and different ways of thinking. This trait leads to continuous learning. It also leads to innovation and a willingness to explore unfamiliar territory. Curiosity fuels creativity and problem-solving skills. It pushes individuals to question the status quo and think outside the box.
8. Authenticity
Authenticity is about being true to oneself. It involves confidence in one’s values, beliefs, and strengths. One expresses these genuinely in all aspects of life. Successful people who are authentic build trust and credibility with others. They often inspire those around them through their genuine approach.
9. Adaptability
Adaptability is the skill of being flexible and open to change, both in thought and action. Successful people understand that the only constant in life is change. They embrace it rather than resist it. This trait involves the ability to adjust strategies, plans, and methods. It’s important when facing new conditions or unexpected challenges. It also includes the willingness to learn from new experiences. It involves integrating this knowledge into future actions. Adaptability ensures that one remains relevant and effective. It’s important in a dynamic and often unpredictable environment.
10. Be relentless
Being relentless is about having an unwavering commitment to your goals and aspirations. It’s characterized by a persistent and determined attitude. Giving up is not an option. Successful people are relentless. They push through obstacles and resist distractions. They stay focused on their objectives, regardless of the challenges they face. This trait often differentiates those who achieve their dreams from those who don’t. It embodies the spirit of never settling for less than what you’re capable of achieving.
11. Be Decisive
Decisiveness is a critical trait for success. It involves the ability to make quick, effective decisions. Decisive individuals assess situations and consider options. Then, they make firm choices without undue hesitation. They close loops. This trait reduces the drain on resources like time and energy that indecision can cause. Being decisive also means taking responsibility for one’s choices and their outcomes. This is essential for personal and professional growth.
Most of us were taught to round our edges instead of sharpen them.
If not explicitly, subtly by observation.
To do, be, and act acceptably.
And to not stand out too much.
Because standing out is dangerous.
It makes us vulnerable to attack.
What gets in the way of building your business or personal brand has more to do with who you are. It has less to do with strategy.
Of course the strategy matters. However, if the person executing those strategies isn’t aligned and secure in who they are, attracting “ideal clients” becomes an elusive objective.
And that’s not because your marketing efforts aren’t working.
It’s because you’re only operating and a small fraction of who you are.
Embrace change.
Start from the level of identity and embody more of who you are to achieve your goals this year.
Till next time,
Jeff Agostinelli
- “Productivity Management Software Market Size, Share & Trends Analysis Report By Solution (Content Management & Collaboration, AI & Predictive Analytics), By Deployment, By Enterprise Size, By Region, And Segment Forecasts, 2023 – 2030.” Grand View Research, 1 Nov. 2023, www.grandviewresearch.com/industry-analysis/productivity-management-software-market. Accessed 19 Dec. 2023.
- “Parkinson’s Law: How to Overcome It to Increase Productivity.” Asana, 9 May 2023, asana.com/resources/parkinsons-law. Accessed 18 Dec. 2023.
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