Some choices carry weight, shifting the course of our lives.
Others can be as simple as what T-shirt to wear today.
Regardless of the relative size or importance of the choice, there are a myriad of factors when it comes to the choices we make and why we ultimately choose one over all others.
The type of person we are
The likelihood of failure
The prospect of success
What we’ll lose and what we’ll gain
The perceived likelihood of regret
The financial implications of our decisions
And the sheer number of options available
It may seem like having more options creates more possible solutions for the chooser, but it has the opposite effect.
Too many options add more time needed to make that choice on the front end and in most cases, produce the feeling on the tail end of making the wrong choice.
The result…
Anxiety
Indecision
Procrastination
Overthinking
Overwhelm
And on the tail end…
Second-guessing
Buyers remorse
Regret
Frustration
Your ability to confidently and quickly make decisions and reconcile after making that decision is one of the biggest determinants of your success.
It’s been said that we make 35,000 decisions every day.
Think about this. If the average American adult faces 35,000 decisions in a day, how many decisions do you think we face as entrepreneurs?
Likely… much higher.
Statistics aside, you’ve likely experienced the mental fatigue that sets in by the end of the day when you’ve been executing on the activities that need to happen in the day-to-day of running your business along with the litany of decisions that have to be made about working on your business, making sure you’re evolving and growing how you operate and ultimately your bottom line.
- Working with clients, how to best show up for them so they get epic results while also finding a balance of healthy boundaries
- Creating content and all that comes with design, topics, and the creation process itself without spending every waking hour creating
- What platforms to be on so you can get your message out but not so many to the point where your content (and you) suffers
- Where to invest your money when in the business while weighing the potential loss or gain of your choices
- Hiring support and bringing on team members, choosing the right first hire, and feeling good about your decision when it’s all said and done
Depending on your orientation to the problem and the consequences (positive OR negative) you likely fall into one of these 3 categories.
- Perfectionist – Search for the best possible option weighing every angle, outcome, and approach to arrive at the best move forward.
- Settler – Being okay with whatever option is the easiest and has the least friction when it comes to the points you consider like price, commitment, risk, etc.
- Procrastinator – Delay making the decision for as long as humanly possible procrastinating, delaying, and pushing it off into the future.
Whether it’s your first hire, investing in a program to grow your business, or the seemingly simple day-to-day operations, you’re likely flooded with moments where you have to weigh an insane amount of options.
And depending on your relationship with risk, you’ll either make that decision or push it off into the future.
Feeling stuck or plateaued in your business isn’t because you don’t know what to do or you’re confused about what direction to take.
It’s because you haven’t made a decision that needs to be made.
In this article I’m going to break down why we delay making decisions (large or small), what stands between you and a choice you’re happy about, and the 12 Rules of Decision-Making.
We make decisions to avoid loss
Most people are risk-averse.
They will do anything to avoid putting themselves in a position where they have a higher likelihood of failing.
Especially if failure equals losing money.
In The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less, Barry Schwartz talks about something called loss aversion and why we have it.
Schwartz points out:
“Some studies have estimated that losses have more than twice the psychological impact as equivalent gains.”1 (bold and italics my emphasis)
Subjectively, loss carries a heavy weight. Regardless of what the facts of the situation are.
Developing a better relationship with risk will get you far.
But it’s not something that just happens overnight.
Risk tolerance is built over time.
You build confidence in your decision-making abilities as you make more decisions and measure backward.
For some, this is an easy journey.
And for others, myself included, it is (or was) a long and challenging road.
I REALLY had to work on this one.
Indecision and to some degree insecurity were things I had to overcome even with something as simple as sending a text or email.
There was a time when I literally wouldn’t send anything that resembled professional communication unless my wife at the time (or anyone who was available) read my message before I sent it.
The thought of offending someone, sounding stupid, or ultimately being wrong put me in a state of worry and ultimately being completely frozen.
To say that this was inhibiting my growth as a coach and entrepreneur is a massive understatement.
I also remember the moment I decided to do something about it.
I was doing more freelance marketing work at the time.
Within a few months of putting a little energy behind overcoming this pattern, I took on a new freelance client, Photography Talk, where I had to send emails to a list of 1.2 million subscribers.
I had a few clients before this where I was sending emails to their list but nothing above 3-4,000 people.
Let’s just say that there was a moment before I hit send on an email in Infusionsoft (now Keap) where I was stressing hardcore.
While this was one professional example, I was also someone who was insanely indecisive and would avoid making decisions at all costs.
Even when it came to something as simple as buying clothes.
There was a part of me that thought there was a permanence that came with making decisions.
That if I chose something I had to stick with that decision forever.
We all know that’s not true.
While some decisions can be life-altering, the vast majority of decisions we make don’t have that kind of impact.
But in the moment, the looming threat of making the wrong decision and being stuck with it can weigh very heavy on us.
So how do you lessen the load?
There are a number of ingredients that go into making strong decisions.
When training my ability to make decisions faster and be at least mostly content with my decisions, I had to form a set of rules that supported me in making this process smooth and relatively effortless.
These 12 rules are what not only worked for me but what continue to work for those that I support to grow their businesses.
No matter what category you fall into, the Perfectionist, Settler, or Procrastinator, these rules will help you arrive at a decision you feel good about.
The 12 Rules Of Decision Making
1. Just decide
- At some point, you will have to come to terms with the fact that you can’t always make the “right” decision, but you can always just choose to be okay with the decision you make. The more space there is between knowing what to do and doing it, the more doubt, second-guessing, etc. takes shape. Especially if you’re someone who puts decisions off into the future more often than not, just deciding may just be your new best friend. You can always shift if necessary. But failing to decide only keeps you resting on unsettled ground. Decide first and move from there.
2. There’s always a path forward
- Even when it seems like there’s no way forward, there is. The other side of too many choices is thinking that there’s not one that works. More often than not seeing a lack of options is less about what’s present and more about what you’re allowing yourself to see. Adopting this rule alone will grease the wheel, opening you up to the possibility that there’s always a path forward.
3. Decisions aren’t always permanent
- Once you make a decision, you can always change direction. Of course, there are some decisions that you will have to be with for the rest of your life. Like having children for instance. But most decisions are NOT permanent. And thinking that they are permanent only adds unnecessary weight to the equation. Know that you can change course if need be.
4. Making more decisions makes decisions easier
- Like developing any muscle, the more you use it the stronger it gets. Making choices works in the same way. As you consciously make more choices and assess once you’ve gotten a little further along the path, you’ll be able to see what works and what doesn’t for your process of making decisions. You’ll likely also start to feel what feels aligned in your body and what doesn’t. You’ll also just build up confidence over time. The more experiences you have of decisions working out the more secure you’ll feel in making more decisions in the future.
5. Ask for forgiveness over permission
- What if you didn’t need approval before you did the thing you wanted to do? Would you do it? One of the reasons we hold back from making decisions is because we think it’s going to ruffle feathers, draw the attention of haters, or put us in a position where we’re looked at under a magnifying glass. I’m not advocating for being a dick. What I am saying is that if you’re holding off doing something because you think it’s going to piss someone off, check that assumption. Are you genuinely doing something you know needs to be done or are you doing something to intentionally piss someone off? When you come from the right place, asking for forgiveness is an easy (and genuine) position. Ultimately, you are the only one who can give yourself permission. Start there.
6. Your emergency is not my emergency
- Initially, this one pissed me off. A mentor of mine used to say this when people would come to him with what they perceived as an emergency. The reality is that other people will inflate the importance of things to the point where they think it’s an emergency when it’s nowhere near that. Just because someone else thinks something is an emergency doesn’t mean you need to. Especially when it conflicts with your time or what you value, this one can be annoying. Something I noticed too is that if you let people fend for themselves, what they thought they couldn’t figure out and what they perceived as an emergency they’ll soon find a way forward.
7. Ask for support only if necessary
- As much as I’d like to tell you that asking for support IS the way to go, it’s not the only option. Those I know who rely on their peer group (or coach or therapist) to help them make decisions are the most indecisive people I know. And if they end up making the wrong choice, well… now they have someone else to blame for it other than themselves. While seeking counsel is a VERY smart thing to do, outsourcing your certainty is however not the best option. If you need support with more important decisions, have a select few people who know how to support you in coming to your own conclusions. And instead of “needing them” to conclude, just utilize their support when absolutely necessary.
8. Know what’s most important
- Deciding what to do is a lot easier when you know what you value most. Knowing your values has been so transformative for me and my clients that it’s one of the first things I help people discover when we start working together. I created a resource for this that all my clients go through first. You can find a public version of that here. Knowing what you value and what’s most important gives you a clear dashboard of how to weigh your options. If what you’re considering or what someone is requesting is in alignment with your values, easy yes. If it’s not aligned and would subtract more than it would add to your overall picture, then it’s an easy no.
9. Be okay with good enough
- The “perfect solution” most of the time just doesn’t exist. Even when looking at where to host your courses, what CRM to use, or any other tool you use in your business, there’s going to be things about all of them that suck. Some will just suck less than others. Be ok with good enough. This is different for everyone, but it doesn’t mean settling for crap. It means knowing that perfection is a myth. Whether it’s in your business or personal life, being okay with good enough is often better than we think.
10. I have everything I need and will have more when it’s needed
- One of the things that gets in the way of making decisions from the right place is thinking that we “need” something different than what we have. When this belief is active our better judgement is highjacked. It’s critical to understand what you need. But most of what we think we need is just that. Something we “think” we need when in fact it’s not a true need.
11. Seek to appreciate
- Finding out how to love what you currently have will pave the way for anything new that’s required. We often see what we believe to be a better option and in the process start to build a list of why the thing we currently have sucks. We build a list of why we “need” this other thing and in the process build up resentment. Genuinely looking for what you appreciate about something will give you a clearer picture of what, if anything, needs to change. If you can find reasons why something doesn’t work you can equally find all the reasons why it does. Then from there make a better decision.
12. Manage your expectations
- We often put A LOT of emphasis on our decisions and the possibility of this one thing fixing everything, placing the pressure of make or break on the thing that will finally make us happy, bring in more money, or solve one of our biggest problems. That’s too much responsibility to place on any one thing or person. While making a new choice may be a total game-changer, we must manage the tendency of silver bullet thinking. That after this one thing… the next big client, hiring that coach, or taking the next course is going to fix our problems forever. Because here’s the thing… if it doesn’t live up to your expectations, it just becomes another thing to point the finger at. What’s true is that a lot of times, making a decision will just introduce a new set of challenges or problems. Make peace with that and try not to put unnecessary pressure on the potential outcomes that may or may not happen.
While every decision carries a different meaning and relative weight depending on the implications of that decision, these rules have supported me and my clients in lessening the pressure that weight creates.
The sheer amount of options available (and no sign of slowing down) will only make this process more complex as time goes on.
These rules can support you in mitigating and keeping in check the many thoughts and emotions that come before and after making decisions.
With each decision that’s made, you will start to see what works and what doesn’t.
Over time you’ll build trust in yourself and confidence in your process.
And as you build over time, taking what you see in your mind as the vision for your life and business becomes a reality one small or large choice at a time.
Until next time,
Jeff Agostinelli
1. Schwartz, Barry (2004). The Paradox of Choice Why More Is Less. (p 70). HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
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