When we look at our goals, most people measure progress against how much farther they have to go.
In some cases that lights a fire under their ass to keep going.
In others, it adds something unwanted.
doubt
fear
apprehension
impatience
Thoughts of…
Will I ever get there?
How much longer is this going to take?
I don’t know if I can do this.
Focusing on the gigantic chasm in front of you produces unproductive emotions and states of mind.
You’re looking in the wrong direction.
Many have turned to spirituality in an attempt to circumvent excessive action, deliberate focus, and a less hustle-focused approach to achieving their goals.
For some that has translated to making action wrong.
And obsession…
Forget about it.
I had my own bout with this.
- For years I made action wrong. I hate admitting this but I was totally the guy who was “manifesting” his goals. (Relying on hope essentially)
- I had the typical elaborate morning routine with an hour plus meditation and by the time I was done (3 hours later) I felt as if my day should have been done. But in fact, it was just getting started.
- I constantly second-guessed myself but wrote it off as the thing I knew I needed to do “not being in alignment.”
The truth was I was just scared as shit to fail.
And the feel-good chemicals that came from meditation, exercise, fasting, and all the things associated with the woke individual where too tempting to trade for the discomfort of consistent and persistent action.
Even if you didn’t fall into the spirituality fly trap, you likely fall into these tendencies more often than you’d like to…
- Looking at what others are doing and either trying to do the same thing or beating yourself up because you can’t (yet).
- Using other sources that could be used as inspiration as sources of judgment.
- Getting lazy and taking your foot off the gas because you think you need a break (when in fact you need to push through).
- Not doing something because you don’t feel like it or it “doesn’t feel good” or it’s “not aligned”
- Or simply not doing something because you “just don’t have time” (even though you’re doing shit that just doesn’t matter).
The problem isn’t a problem of skill or knowledge.
It’s a problem of perspective and persistence.
And allowing unconscious tendencies that operate in the shadows to run the show.
In this article, I’m going to unpack why we often focus on the wrong side of growth and progress, how that affects your drive and momentum, and a trifecta of simple practices to start stacking wins and measure progress in the right direction.
Why do we focus on negativity by default?
Humans focus on the negative because of something called negativity bias.
This can be defined as:
This bias toward the negative leads you to pay much more attention to the bad things that happen, making them seem much more important than they really are.1
Rick Hanson says this beautifully…
Our brains are like Velcro for the bad and Teflon for the good.
Mix that biological tendency with trained behavior and you have a recipe for focusing on…
Not knowing enough
Not being far enough ahead
Not being enough… period.
So, when you set big goals it’s completely natural to look at how far you have to go.
To look at the gap in front of you as a problem that needs to be fixed or solved.
In a lot of ways, it becomes the enemy.
And on the other side of this seemingly vast and endless space, there’s something we want.
Or more accurately…
What we want because of how we think we’re going to feel when we get there.
Now, looking forward to something is very different than using the distance between you and your goal as a place of judgment and unrealistic expectations.
More often than not, looking at the long path ahead creates more feelings of stress, anxiety, and frustration than it does feelings of motivation and excitement.
Just because it’s our biology doesn’t make it bad. It’s part of our evolution to move in the opposite direction. We have to overcome the default to the negative.
What’s required is a shift in perspective and practice.
You can learn about how you approach goals by looking laterally
There’s a saying…
The way you do anything is the way you do everything.
You’ve likely seen this to be true.
“All behavior is addictive. All behavior seeks more of itself.”2
This works for us and against us.
After working with countless coaches to grow their business, those who focus on the lack of, how far they have to go, what they don’t like, their insecurities…
Are focused on the gap.
They tend to have the most excuses.
They often feel defeated and as if it’s “not working” even when they do see tangible results.
They are overly focused on what they don’t have, how far they have left to go, and what’s missing or undesirable.
In every case, these coaches get slower results than the ones who…
- Focus on what is working and do more of it.
- See the things that aren’t working as information (instead of fuel for self-judgement)
- Ask questions when they face problems instead of spinning out and being negatively focused (giving a voice to the very things they don’t want).
- Know when to let go, surrender, and shift gears (or are at least receptive to the nudge to do one or the other).
It’s also very common for people to think they are doing one thing when they are doing something else altogether.
You can see this by looking laterally.
If you’re constantly focused on the things you don’t like about your…
- health or body image
- relationship and things your partner always does wrong
- a general sense of “is this ever going to slow down” because everything feels like too much and too hard
Then you’re most likely doing the same thing in your business.
Unknowingly.
But if you were to get in touch with how you actually felt about where you are, you may see that you’re angry or upset by your lack of swift progress.
And that’s okay.
But here’s the thing…
Those emotions produce drag. They slow down growth.
Until attribution happens.
You must acknowledge how you feel about where you are.
As you get in touch with the truth of where you are mentally and emotionally you will likely start to feel present for the very first time.
What we call “negative” emotions that occur regularly is the indicator of being in the gap.
It’s inherently a negative focus.
Depending on how entrenched the pattern is, this could turn around slowly or quickly.
Consistent application and adjustment beats impatience any day of the week so give yourself grace with this one.
Here’s how to turn that around.
3 Practices
When I say here’s how to turn that around I am not saying you’ll never experience a negative emotion ever again.
I truly believe that knowing how to get back to center is infinitely more useful than trying to figure out how to stay there.
These 3 practices have proven to be incredibly supportive for me as well as those I coach.
(1) Know your shadow
If you’re unfamiliar with shadow work, the concept is simple.
Shadow work is…
Working with your unconscious mind to uncover the parts of yourself that you repress and hide from yourself.3
How do you know you can benefit from shadow work?
- You keep blowing up your business and creating new offers which causes you to lose momentum
- You constantly feel like you’re not good enough at what you do and that prevents you from making bold statements about your industry and making claims that position you as an authority in your field.
- You have a pattern of attracting terrible business partners or clients that just aren’t a fit.
- You get triggered by a lot of people or see them as incompetent and you secretly hate that you do that.
- You have a hard time committing to your business and always want to change your offer or niche.
Used strategically shadow work is an effective means to shift how you see a situation.
It may bring more compassion, understanding, or even healing.
If your shadow is keeping you in the gap then it’s really good to know that.
My shadow in business is seeking novelty.
Most people see me as an extraordinary person when it comes to discipline and structure.
The truth is I need that or I’ll want to start 700 projects. I’m disciplined not because I am by nature but because it keeps me in check.
And I know the cost of letting my need for novelty get in the way.
Understanding and integrating your shadow will help you see with clear sight.
Here’s a simple exercise to start the practice.
Grab your journal and answer the following questions:
Who is another coach, healer, or content creator that triggers you?
What charged or ‘negative’ words would you use to describe them?
What could be useful about those qualities?
Where can you see that you don’t allow yourself to be this way?
A friend of mine and fellow coach has a great workshop on shadow work that’s super accessible if you want to take this further.
(2) Measure backwards
One of the most useful practices I’ve personally deployed and my clients have also found incredibly useful is measuring backward.
I begin ever client session with an exercise to measure progress and celebrate wins.
It’s crazy how forward-focused we are by default.
Many times that comes at the expense of how far we’ve come.
And it’s not just about celebrating your wins.
Measuring backward also answers these questions:
- Have you been consistent?
- Is the plan working?
- Are you getting the results you want?
If the answer to any of these questions is no you can adjust.
But you don’t know the answer if you never look back.
Most coaches are just flying by the seat of their pants instead of pacing projects and getting great work out the door.
Most are just pushing for the next sale.
This is reactionary.
Look at your wins from the day is a great place to start.
The easiest way to do this is to grab a journal that’s already formatted for daily tracking.
My favorite is The Five Minute Journal (in yellow 🙂
At the end of each day as a nightly routine, simply record your top 3 wins in the section titled “Highlights of the day” in the journal.
(3) Track daily
This keeps you honest with what got done and what didn’t
Looking at the gap and using that to judge ourselves could be the only thing that is preventing you from getting where you want to go.
It could be a measure of unrealistic expectations and less about facts.
A simple shift in perspective and developing the habit could be the difference between you continuing to get the same results you’ve always got and hitting your goals.
What are your commitments?
Have you told yourself that you’re going to
- Create 1 Instagram feed post a day
- Show your face on your Instagram story once daily
- Write one Thread daily
- Batch record 5-7 videos every Tuesday
But you rarely follow through and instead of refining your system you just fold?
You can’t blame yourself if you don’t have a predictable way to track this.
To try and achieve all of this by holding the information in your head and when it doesn’t happen letting weeks go by is killing your confidence.
Have a dashboard that you can either physically tick off like a paper habit tracker or a dashboard in Notion, ClickUp, or Asana that keeps you on track.
If you don’t know how to use any of those systems then use Google Sheets.
The system you use isn’t important.
Doing the daily actions is.
So find something that works for you and do it.
If you want to take Notion for a spin, that’s my preferred platform.
Notionway has some great free templates for habit tracking and social media planning and their Instagram has a ton of great content. Start there.
Without a plan that adds up, you’re not actually setting a goal.
You’re just hoping.
You don’t lose momentum because you stop moving forward. You stop moving forward because your focus is off.
Practicing these regularly will bring you closer to your goals and help you do the one thing most don’t take the time to do…
Gather facts
Especially my spiritually minded folk who do everything based on feeling as opposed to hard data. This one is for you.
Measure your success.
Simply feeling good or feeling as if you’re on the right track isn’t the best metric.
Especially if you have unexamined parts of yourself that operate in the shadows.
Which most of us do.
Until next time,
Jeff Agostinelli
- (2023, November 13). What Is the Negativity Bias? Verywellmind. Retrieved January 28, 2024, from https://www.verywellmind.com/negative-bias-4589618
- Sullivan, D., & Hardy, B. (2021). The Gap and The Gain: The High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success (p. 120). Hay House Business.
- Perry, E. (2022, June 13). The benefits of shadow work and how to use it in your journey. BetterUp. Retrieved January 30, 2024, from https://www.betterup.com/blog/shadow-work
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