Summary:
Why do we wrestle with emotions and why does that make decisions hard?
First and foremost, we think there are good emotions and bad emotions and we think that feeling “negative” emotion is bad and that it needs to be changed at all costs and we think that we need to strive for and hold onto “positive” emotions at all cost. Even to the extent of being afraid that we’re going to lose them if we don’t cling to them with all our might.
We also think emotions are something that happens to us when in fact it is something that happens through us.
And lastly we think that we are our emotions so when they do come up, they hit hard.
Where does this come from…
- Our attachment style
- Patterns of relating and responding to “energy” and emotion and people and situations based on your life experience.
- What we had to do in order to get love and attention.
- The emotions we are used to feeling are familiar. If there’s one thing about what some people call our comfort zone that is categorically consistent and predictable, it’s the emotions we experience on a daily basis.
- Emotion bonds us to people, situations, and things and we use those things to confirm and reaffirm our chemical addiction to those emotions.
What negative side effects does this have?
It puts life on repeat and causes things like delay, procrastination, waiting, looking for reasons why things will always be the same, and why things will never work out.
This can lead to looking at our external situation and falsely assigning blame to people, places, conditions or things and in a way giving away our power and sovereignty.
Because if we are blaming someone else for our situation then we are giving our power away and relinquishing our agency, our power of choice, and our ability to do something about our own lives.
What do we do we typically do to deal with it?
Typically people do one of two thing:
- Move as quickly as possible and try harder.
- Do everything under the sun possible.
Everyone gets to find their own pace and guess what… it’s not a race to the finish line. If we can sit with the understanding that we are constantly evolving and that there’s nowhere we need to get to in order to feel better other than right here, right now… then the journey to becoming our highest expression at every level becomes more of a peaceful pursuit instead of the stressful, anxious one we’re used to.
What to do instead…
- Stay “centered” and focus on building positive emotion – This one practice will give more energy than any food, supplement, or anything else external.
- Pour that energy into what you love, what you value, and what’s most important to you.
- Continue to seek guidance and instruction from life and realize that everything is unfolding perfectly. EVEN if you think that everything has gone to shit.
When you do this right you’ll start to see things lining up in your life easier. You’ll run into the right person, your days will be more fluid and you’ll be WAY less rattled by a turn in events, you’ll be able to notice subtle signals of what to do next.
Sure, you can focus on “eliminating” bad habits, but when you focus on this you will naturally displace old ways of being. You will crowd them out. There just won’t be any use for them. It’s good to be aware of what they are, but to stare at them, focus on them and try to crush them, eliminate them, or do anything else that attempts to slay your imperfections is trying to fix the problem instead of pouring all your energy, love, and attention into the solution.
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