I invited Sarah Sherwood back on the show today to talk about adult attachment theory and adult attachment styles. I’m relatively new to attachment theory, but the little I have dug into it helped me start understanding my own patterns of relating and why they exist.
The basic understanding of this theory is that how you regulate and experience yourself is in some ways a product of how you learned to relate with your primary care givers. We develop patterns of engaging with other people and relating based on whether or not our needs were being met and whether or not the world felt safe.
As you’ll hear Sarah talk about, we develop behaviors from that experience to relate with other people to ensure we get what we need.
Sarah’s Bio
As a certified Life Coach, Spiritual Director and Somatic Experiencing® Practitioner, Sarah Sherwood empowers people to rebound and recover from the damaging effects of stress, trauma and chronic illness/disease. Her clients stop the stress cycle, double their energy and break their limiting patterns and habits. Becoming resilient – emotionally, mentally and physically – they live free from anxiety, stop doubting themselves, and find courage to take action on their dreams, regardless the difficulty and challenge they’ve endured. Sarah believes that obstacles and failures are part of the path to reach our fullest potential. Therefore, we must master how to become resilient instead of shrinking back from pain or resistance.
In this episode you’ll learn
- How each of us have these biologically wired in patterns of relating
- Our most driving need is connection with other humans and how that helps us understand our sense of safety
- How these styles get patterned into our nervous system
- The 4 Attachment styles
- How our emotional needs getting met or not greatly impacts our attachment style and patterns of relating
- The relationship between attachment style and healthy boundaries
- How anxiety and distraction could possibly stem from these attachment styles
- A mantra for parents is perceptive over perfect
- Having a balance between chaos and rigidity in parenting
- Practicing affective communication and vulnerability in safe relationships are some of the biggest places to start
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“What do I need to do or not do to feel safe?“
Connect with Sarah on social media
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Resources
- Take the Attachment Style Quiz here.
- Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind – and Keep – Love
- Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
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